Try, fail; try again, fail better

So I haven’t been that great about posting on this site lately.  Why is that?  I think I’ve been making myself feel overwhelmed with the amount of material with which I want to familiarize myself as well as the amount of progress that I believe I need to make.  I often have the bad habit of going to a blog, seeing something I like, and then jumping through a link to another site, in a very ADD-like manner.  As a result, I don’t think that I’m really locking anything down or developing a sufficient amount of comprehension.  Also, because of this, when I’m interacting with women, I don’t really seem to be applying anything and still seem to be sticking to my bad habits.

The headline of this post is Try fail; try again, fail better.  Why have I written this?  Why am I thinking about this?  Well, last night, I saw someone in a bar who I wanted to approach.  Tall and attractive in a sophisticated way.  But I didn’t approach.  I didn’t say hello.  I didn’t try and succeed.  I didn’t try and fail.   And I have been kicking myself for it every since.

I think the pain of not trying is much stronger than the pain of trying and failing.

I think — at the end of the day — it feels better to have tried than to have not tried at all.

It’s not about the success of getting a number, getting a date, or getting a smile.  It’s about the success of making the effort. 

Especially if this is still a new thing and still a bit difficult.

I’ve been too outcome oriented.  I’ve erroneously thought that it’s safer to avoid rejection. 

It’s safer to try.

It’s safer not to wonder:  what if?

So, this is where my head is at right now:

1)  I need to focus on one piece of material at a time.  Maybe I should spend this week reading David Deida’s book.

2)  I need to remember that it is better to make the effort — and risk rejection — than to not do it, get home later, and drive myself crazy about lost opportunities.  (When I’m upset, it’s because I’m angry at myself for not having made the effort; it’s not about getting hung up on a specific woman.)

 3)  I need to be less outcome oriented.  Maybe I need to redefine what I’m trying to do.  I was thinking that I might make it my mission to figure out if this is a good person and make that the goal of my interaction.

This is all part of my effort to figure out why I don’t always approach and to positively address this issue.

Thanks to everyone who has been leaving me comments.  They may be few in number, but the quality has been unbelievable and the support has been very encouraging and helpful.  It’s inspiring to see so many people who are so sincere in offering help to others and/or focused on improving themselves.  This is such a great community.

~ by socialrobot on April 30, 2007.